SixFourThree

In order to do well in school, students will need this backpack.

Many schools across the country are now in session, with more opening their doors in the near future. With that in mind, here is the ideal schedule for a baseball fan (period, subject, teacher, and course summary listed).

1^st period – Math – Geo-metry Soto

Learn about shapes and sizes with the Cubs catcher, last season’s N.L. Rookie of the Year. Soto will spend ample time talking about the sphere-shaped baseball and the pentagon that is home plate.

2^nd period – Science – Lou Marson

Another catcher (Cleveland’s) instructs this astronomy class, where he will lecture on how far a baseball would travel in outer space. There will be a special focus on the red planet, Marson’s expertise.

3^rd period – Foreign Language – Denard Span-ish

A natural choice to teach this class, the Twins outfielder – who runs muy rápido – will teach his students crucial vocabulary: beisbol, pelota, and home rrrrrun.

4^th period – Lunch – Adam Eaton

The Rockies pitcher will serve as more of a supervisor than teacher in this environment. Also, given that Eaton somehow signed a $24-million contract before the 2007 season, he will be providing free lunch to all the students.

5^th period – English – Jesse Litsch-erature

During this course, the Toronto pitcher will discuss symbols, themes and imagery with his students. In addition to the Pledge of Allegiance, students in this class will be required to recite O, Canada.

6^th period – Band – Steve Sax

Coming out of retirement, the former Dodgers and Simpsons star will lead the school’s pep band. Favorite pieces include Charge! and, of course, Take Me Out To The Ballgame.

7^th period – Spelling – Mark Buehrle

In order for students to learn how to properly sew players’ names onto their jerseys, Mr. Perfect will explain how “Buehr” sounds like “Brrr”. Guest teachers will include Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Jhonny Peralta.

8^th period – Social Studies – His-Torii Hunter

The Angel outfielder will highlight great moments in baseball history, like that time he robbed Barry Bonds of a homer in the all-star game. Then students will debate which giant leap was greater: Hunter’s or Neil Armstrong’s.

–Gluskin